Psychologist tells Steven Bartlett's The Diary of a CEO podcast why couples stop having sex
A factor omitted below is that the harmony between a couple can become so good that the two feel like brother and sister -- and you don't have sex with your sister!
A leading sex therapist has shed light on why couples often gradually stop having sex, saying the 'sexual currency' that keeps passion alive at the beginning of a romance fades with familiarity.
Appearing on Dragon's Den star Steven Bartlett's The Diary of a CEO podcast, Dr Karen Gurney, who is a Clinical Psychologist and Psychosexologist, told the entrepreneur that she's constantly seeing couples who are struggling to keep the flames of ardor alive saying the same thing.
The mental health professional, whose new book is called How Not to Let Having Kids Ruin Your Sex Life, explained that couples regularly tell her: 'I didn't really feel like it but we had sex and it was great, and afterwards I said "why don't we do it more often?"'
Dr Gurney told the podcast that it's often a case of the more you have, the more you want, saying: 'That's responsive desire, it emerges out of sexual activity.'
Discussing the concept of sexual currency, she said that sometimes it's the small gestures that diminish over time - but collectively, they're crucial for keeping a relationship alive.
She told Bartlett: 'The problem of long term relationships is that we see a decline in what I call sexual currency.
'We start to see sex a bit like an on/off switch. We're having sex, but the rest of the time we're not being sexual together.
'We're not passionately kissing unless it's part of sex. We're not sending the flirty messages like we used to do at the beginning, we're not spending time lounging around naked in bed on a Sunday morning being naked together in a way that might kickstart desire.'
Preventing the death knell sounding for a happy sex life long into a relationship is, she said, all about keeping those smaller gestures going.
'Low levels of sexual currency with high levels of familiarity - seeing the same person every day - means our brains just don't code them as sexual stimuli in the same way.'
She also had advice for new parents, saying tending to a newborn can leave one partner with sex on their mind, and the other feeling like it's the last thing they want to do.
'A crying child has an impact on what's happening in your sex life and for your desire. We tend to see that the more times you get up [in the night], the less happy you are with your sex life.'
Dr Gurney explained that not getting a good night's sleep affects how your body responds to sexual response in terms of 'the chemicals in the body that help us be prepared for arousal to build, but also it's the cognitive distraction of being woken up by something quite upsetting [a baby crying]'.
Parents should share the workload, she suggests, because 'if one of you is getting a good night's sleep and feeling horny all the time and another one's getting up three times and sex is the last thing on their mind, probably the best thing that you can do is try and share it'.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-13145529/Diary-Ceo-couples-stop-having-sex.html
************************************************Is there a way to make losers attractive to women?
There is an underwear enthusiast who claims that there is. Catboy is skeptical:
Catboy is a fast talker so it may help to click on the subtitles (wheel icon)
The link is:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ThiA30bPzME&t=162s
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Step inside the ‘dangerous’ mind of Douglas Murray and you will find a fierce defence for civilisation as we know it
It’s not easy to put Murray in a box. He is gay, but trenchantly against the LGBT movement; a poetry aficionado and English scholar who appals the left-wing literati. He doesn’t believe in God, but calls himself a Christian.
This month, Murray arrives in Australia for a national tour in conversation with podcaster Josh Szeps. After a number of shows sold out, more have been added – a sign of his growing worldwide profile, although Murray insists his tour is not about feeding that. “Anyone who’s a writer should not seek fame, because this is a very bad profession to go into if you just want to become famous,” an exhausted Murray says. He’s speaking from a London hotel room following an extended stint of reporting in Israel, where he has rock-star status. “It’s very moving,” he says of his warm reception in that country. But, he adds, “it’s sort of saddening to me because it suggests they feel that they don’t have very many sympathetic voices in the non-Jewish world. I think that’s terrible; it saddens me enormously.”
When talking to Murray you get the sense of a man completely secure in his opinions. There is no trace of arrogance or malice. The subjects on which he writes are rarely uplifting, but he does not come across as a lugubrious or cynical personality. In conversation Murray is warm, humorous, even playful.
While the progressive orthodoxy may demonise him, Murray delivers his arguments with clinical precision. Appearing on Britain’s Talk TV, Murray was asked by host Julia Hartley-Brewer about “proportionality” in Israel’s response to Hamas. “Proportionality in conflict rarely exists,” he said. “But if we were to decide that we should have this fetish about proportionality, then that would mean that in retaliation for what Hamas did in Israel, Israel should try and locate a music festival in Gaza, for instance (and good luck with that), and rape precisely the number of women that Hamas raped, kill precisely the number of young people that Hamas killed …”
To his enemies, Murray is a dangerous man and thinker. In response to his vocal support of Israel, a lecturer at King’s College London – during a course on counterterrorism – branded Murray a figure of the “far right” (when Murray founded the think-tank The Centre for Social Cohesion, he described it as apolitical) and likened him to American podcaster Joe Rogan. The lecturer even speculated on how to silence such people. “To deplatform them would cause issues,” he told students, “so society needs to find other ways to suppress them.”
Canadian psychologist and author Jordan Peterson observes that Murray engages in a kind of “judicial pitilessness”, in which he marshals his rhetorical powers and sends them into combat. Peterson said of his friend in a recent interview: “He doesn’t let anyone off the hook”.
Szeps, whose Uncomfortable Conversations podcast hosts figures from across the political spectrum, says he wanted to bring Murray to Australia because he’s one of the few intellectuals who can question taboos in a “bullshit-free manner”. Murray has a knack for “puncturing the self-certainties and biases that we don’t even know we hold”, says Szeps. “He flirts with subjects and opinions that are close enough to being beyond the pale among polite society” even if people may “take the worst possible interpretation of what he’s saying and frame it as if he’s not worth listening to.”
Szeps believes Australians are eager to listen to a fearless speaker who will add something “unusual, fresh and heterodox” to the national debate. “People have said, ‘When you Google Douglas Murray you see that he’s been peddling [far-right] conspiracy theories’,” Szeps says. “And when I ask, ‘What far-right conspiracy theories?’ they always say, ‘I don’t know but, you know, it’s on Google.’”
Szeps says Murray’s early critique of treatment for transgenderism in children has turned out to be prescient: “He spoke out at a time when it was incredibly toxic to discuss transgender pediatric care and now we’re in a climate where many reasonable people in the medical field feel that the way things were being done, maybe three years ago, was probably a bit ideological, and probably wasn’t in the best interests of young people with gender dysphoria. He was a clarion call at a time when it was incredibly unpopular to be saying those things … the world has continued to vindicate his concerns.”
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Why cash should not be abolished
Caitlin Fitzsimmons
I’ve found myself in furious agreement with Queensland politician Bob Katter about one issue – that businesses should accept cash.
Last month Katter was fired up because a cafe in the Australian Parliament House initially refused to accept his $50 note, telling him it was a cashless business. Katter told them it was too bad for them because cash was legal tender, and they legally had to accept it.
He went on Sky News to explain himself. “If you have a cashless society, the banks control your life, you’re not able to buy a loaf of bread without permission from the banks,” Katter said. “It’s bad enough now but it will become infinitely worse.”
Like most Australians, I lost the cash habit at some point in the past decade, content to tap away to pay for everything from coffee to groceries. I often have no cash in my wallet.
Recently, though, I’ve been trying to change that. I started noticing that more and more retailers, especially cafes and small shops, were imposing surcharges for card payments. Being the former Money editor of this masthead, I knew how quickly little amounts can add up. I’ve also been finding that an increasing number of businesses no longer accept cash. I’ve encountered this several times in the month since Katter’s run-in at the Canberra cafe.
On the Saturday before last, I was unfortunately not at the second Taylor Swift concert, having failed to find tickets. Nor was I at the Bondi Beach Party, murdering the dance floor with Sophie Ellis-Bextor. But I was at the Capitol Theatre, seeing the entrancing Australian Ballet production of Alice with my daughter.
I was surprised to find that the bar at the theatre is cashless. The bartender informed me that this was stated in the terms and conditions of sale when I bought my tickets. The website confirms the policy but does not state a reason.
Earlier in February, I came across the same phenomenon at Spice Alley, off Broadway, where there is a collection of small food stalls and shared tables in a central courtyard. I wanted to give my teenagers cash, so they could go and choose their own meals, but the stalls were all cashless, forcing us to go one by one. One of the stallholders told me that Spice Alley management did not allow them to take cash, but customers could load currency onto a cashless payment card at a central cashier. The Spice Alley website says the policy is to improve “speed of service, safety and hygiene”.
Like Katter, I thought cash was legal tender and that businesses had to accept it. It turns out we were both wrong. The Australian Competition and Consumer Commission website states that businesses can choose which payment types they accept, but consumers have to be informed before they make the purchase.
Informing customers can be as simple as a sign at the cash register, or a notice on a website, which feels like a loophole. There’s no doubt card payments are convenient, but we’re all paying the price, and we should have a choice.
A cashless society is not a globalist conspiracy, but it is a capitalist one because the banks and other financial institutions are making a fortune from card payment fees.
How much exactly? I’m glad you asked.
Reserve Bank figures show, in the year ended December 2023, there were about 3.6 billion credit and charge card transactions and 11 billion debit card transactions in Australia. The business is charged a merchant service fee every time someone pays with a card. Sometimes they have a package deal, but on average, it ranges from 0.35 per cent of the transaction for eftpos to 1.69 per cent for Diners Card. The merchant acquirer – the big four banks and newcomers such as Stripe – and the card issuer all get a cut.
Businesses are legally allowed to pass on the cost directly to consumers in the form of a surcharge. My hunch that surcharging is becoming more common was on the money: businesses passed on a surcharge to consumers on 7 per cent of transactions in 2022, up from 5 per cent in 2019. The median surcharge was 50c per transaction.
My rough and ready calculation is that Australian consumers are directly paying $511 million a year for the privilege of paying with a card. The rest of the time, the retailers pay instead – and consumers pay indirectly.
Lance Blockley, the managing director of The Initiatives Group, a payment consultancy, estimates that Australian businesses are charged $5.8 billion a year – $3.5 billion for credit and charge cards and $2.3 billion for debit cards.
In Katter’s Sky interview, he made a leap from talking about cash to warning against “intermittent power” aka renewable energy. At this point, he lost me. He’s wrong about renewables, but not about cash.
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My other blogs. Main ones below:
http://dissectleft.blogspot.com (DISSECTING LEFTISM)
http://edwatch.blogspot.com (EDUCATION WATCH)
http://antigreen.blogspot.com (GREENIE WATCH)
http://australian-politics.blogspot.com (AUSTRALIAN POLITICS)
http://snorphty.blogspot.com/ (TONGUE-TIED)
http://jonjayray.com/blogall.html More blogs
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Kristina Pimenova, once said to be the most beautiful girl in the world. Note blue eyes and blonde hair
Bliss: What every woman wants: to feel safe and secure in the arms of her man. Robert Irwin and Rorie Buckey. See 
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