Thursday, April 11, 2024
"Married at First Sight" TV show is a cry for help about the state of gender relations
Rubbish! The participants are picked for drama potential, not representativeness
Each relationship was not so much the beginning of two people’s happily ever after as it was project management for the brides of their of grooms.
Take Cass – an admin officer from Queensland – who was bubbly, outgoing and optimistic while also mourning the death of her first boyfriend and mother. She was matched with Tristan – a 30-year-old events officer from NSW – who at one stage told the experts and his co-stars that he “hates himself” as he has always struggled with his weight and finding connections with women.
Sneaky editing and the splicing and dicing of footage amplified everything, but it was difficult to watch how both individuals grappled with these issues, and each other, while trying to build a romantic connection. Tristan then threw a tantrum when Cass asked to leave.
Another star, Lucinda – a compassionate wedding celebrant from Byron Bay – was matched with Tim, a convicted drug smuggler, who wouldn’t touch or open up to her until midway through the season. He proudly proclaimed he was “like the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz” and didn’t like to talk about feelings (or his criminal past) until the final credits rolled.
Lucinda cracked.
“Am I signing up for minimum affection? Am I signing up for someone who can’t share their emotions?”
The silver lining was witnessing both Tristan and Tim acknowledge their troubles. But the excessive emotional labour required by their partners should be something the Fair Work Commission should look into.
The highlights of the season was not the salacious scenes and sound bites, it was the way it held up a mirror to how far we have to go when it comes to breaking down the barriers men face.
There are still oceans of difference between how men and women interact and seek help.
Women are talkers. Men – if this MAFS sample size is anything to go by – are unable to shake off conditioning to not seek external help from friends and professionals when it comes to “hidden” issues like emotional pain and mental turmoil.
MAFS cops a lot of criticism. Rightly so. It’s got about as much depth as a paddling pool. Yet if it continues to help shine a light on how we can help bridge the gender divide to stop women being the carers and men being closed off, sign me up for another serving of this televisual junk food.
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Marriage and babies really DO make women happier, says top researcher who's spent 20 years studying relationships
The US is battling an epidemic of sad, anxious young women. Despite the surge in our opportunities and freedoms over the past 50 years, it appears we are more depressed than ever.
Studies suggest that around a third of all adult women suffer some sort of mental health problem, compared to a fifth of men.
This is particularly apparent in the 18 to 25 age group, 41 percent of which are said to suffer anxiety, according to Harvard University research.
Over the last six years, the amount of women reporting depression increased 10 percent, from 26.2 percent in 2017 to 36.7 percent in 2023, according to a Gallup poll of over 5000 US adults.
With 20 years under my belt as a sociologist, studying the lifestyle patterns of Americans as well as their fulfillment over time, I believe I have stumbled on one possible explanation for this sea of sadness.
It might appear a controversial take: too few women are getting married.
Only 47 percent of women ages 18 to 55 were married in the US in 2022, compared to 72 percent in 1970, according to my analysis of the U.S. census data. Research from Bowling Green State University shows marriage rates reached an all time low in 2021 in the United States, with only 28 out of every 1000 married women getting married each year in the country, down from 76 in the 1970s.
There are a myriad of reasons for this - more career focus, less disposable income and a change in societal norms are just a few.
But the uncomfortable truth is women who aren't married are worse off, health-wise, compared to their married counterparts.
Studies have shown that married women have a lower risk of developing heart disease, are less likely to die from heart disease and have longer lifespans in general than non-married women.
One study tracking a sample of over 11,000 nurses found that married women are 35 percent less likely to die early than those who did not marry.
The mental health benefits of marriage and having a family of your own have also been well proven in scientific studies.
Some 40 percent of married mothers - both heterosexual and lesbian women - aged under 55 reported that they were 'very happy' with their lives, compared with 22 percent of single, childfree women and 25 percent of married childfree women, according to 2022 General Social Survey. Only 13 percent of divorced women say they've reached this level of happiness.
It is true, however, that more than one in three couples will get divorced. However, it's worth saying that many divorced couples remarry - up to 64 percent - and studies show this improves self-reported happiness.
Those who often find themselves irritated by their partner's infuriating habits may find this surprising.
But it's true: Studies have consistently shown that strong social relationships are key to happiness. And research has also shown that, although it may sound stereotypical, spouses provide a stronger bond than any other relationship.
Admittedly, taking care of children is an exhausting job. But extensive research has shown that the rewards outweigh the negatives. Married women also have the advantage of working alongside a devoted partner to share the tough job.
Despite the scientific data, social media is doing its part to malign marriage.
On TikTok, videos that jokingly depict marriage as a fast route to domestic chores like washing dishes, caring for a newborn baby, and cleaning the house, go viral.
Then there's the glamorization of childfree life, much of which is a result of the social media trend of DINKS (which stands for 'dual income no kids').
DINK couples consistently go viral online, showcasing their luxurious and fun-filled lives spent travelling the world and spending surplus cash that would, presumably, otherwise go on diapers.
These sentiments are being absorbed nationally. Only 24 percent of women under 30 believe that women who get married and have kids live fuller and happier lives than those who don’t, according to a 2023 poll.
Yes, it's true that men benefit more from marriage than women do when it comes to the division of household labor. And it has been shown that women, on average, do more emotional labor and spend more time on chores and childcare than their male partners.
But the gap in those measurements has been flattening somewhat, as my research from the Institute for Family studies (IFS) has shown.
My studies prove that dads are more involved in their children’s lives than ever before. Dads' child are time has increased while mothers’ child care time has remained stable over the past two decades.
American fathers now spend an average of nearly eight hours per week taking care of their children at home, while mothers’ childcare time is around 13.
As far as I am concerned, household work is work - and if you add up the number of hours mothers and fathers spend working overall, it's pretty much the same, on average.
In 2021-2022, work averaged 57 hours per week for both married fathers and mothers with children under age 18.
Also, studies that show married men benefit more from marriage are usually comparing married men to single men, not married men to married women.
When the comparison group is changed, the happiness level for married men and women is quite similar. Around 37 percent of married women under 55 and younger say they are 'very happy' as do 34 percent of married men, according to the IFS 2022 General Social Survey.
Likewise, 40 percent of married mothers report being very happy with their lives, as are 35 percent of married fathers.
In 2017, comments made by Hollywood star Anne Hathaway about her marriage to actor and producer Adam Shulman were heavily criticized on social media.
She told ELLE: 'I think the accepted narrative now is that we, as women, don’t need anybody. But I need my husband. His unique and specific love has changed me.'
The idea that a woman could need a man did not sit well with the Gen Z feminists on Instagram, who passionately argued that Hathaway was 'letting the side down' by insinuating that women cannot be truly happy without a male partner.
But the truth is, sharing your life with another person does have unique benefits for your emotional health.
Perhaps this is because married people are known to be markedly less lonely than their peers.
The CDC have identified loneliness as a contributor to a host of diseases- from dementia to stroke- as well as earlier death.
You might say it is possible to beat loneliness with a long-term partner, or even a good friend. But there is a sense of anxiety-busting stability you get with marriage that is not the case for other long-term relationships. It's a controversial point, but much of this lies in the financial benefits.
Padding your income with a partner's contribution allows you to lead a much more comfortable life.
In 2022, the median family income for married women ages 18-55 was $114,000, but only $54,000 for single, never-married women according to my analysis of American Community data.
Married women also have more than 10 times the assets than single, never-married women by the time they are in their 50s, which can help them close in on retirement.
Marriage is not a cure-it-all magic wand, but the data tell us that the average American woman who is married with children is markedly less lonely and living a more meaningful and joyful life.
So, to millions of young women who are at the start of adulthood: Do not let your fears of failing in love and family, or a slavish devotion to career, hold you back.
Do not allow popular misconceptions to keep you from enjoying the benefits of marriage and motherhood.
Prioritize relationships in your twenties, cultivate friendships with other marriage-minded young adults, be open to a relationship that could lead to marriage, and embrace marriage and parenthood when the time comes.
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Landmark review rejects puberty blockers for children wanting to change gender
An entire field of medicine aimed at enabling children to change gender has been “built on shaky foundations”, the chairwoman of an NHS review has concluded.
Dr Hilary Cass found that there was no good evidence to support the global clinical practice of prescribing hormones to under-18s to halt puberty or transition to the opposite sex.
This method of medical intervention for young people who identify as transgender has become embedded in clinical guidelines around the world over the past two decades. Thousands of children have received puberty blockers on the NHS since 2011, and referrals to its youth gender identity service have increased 100-fold in little over a decade.
Cass, a former president of the Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health, was commissioned by NHS England in 2020 to review services for children with gender dysphoria. Her final report has endorsed a fundamental shift in approach away from medical intervention towards a holistic model that addresses other mental health problems the children may have.
Rishi Sunak welcomed her findings and said that the lack of knowledge about the long-term impact of medical interventions meant people should proceed with “extreme caution”. He said: “We’ve seen a sharp rise in recent years of children, particularly adolescent girls, questioning their gender. I welcome Dr Cass’s expert review which urges treating these children, who often have complex needs, with great care and compassion.
“We simply do not know the long-term impact of medical treatment or social transitioning on them, and we should therefore exercise extreme caution.
“We acted swiftly on Dr Cass’s interim report to make changes in schools and our NHS, providing comprehensive guidance for schools and stopping the routine use of puberty blockers, and we will continue to ensure that we take the right steps to protect young people. The wellbeing and health of children must come first.”
The report contains 32 recommendations for overhauling services. “For most young people, a medical pathway will not be the best way to manage their gender-related distress,” Cass said, adding that children must be seen “as a whole person and not just through the lens of their gender identity”.
She said it was vital that services take into account high rates of autism and mental health problems in children identifying as transgender.
The report is the world’s biggest review into the contested field of trans healthcare, and involved patients, families, academics and doctors.
Researchers at the University of York examined all available evidence on how to treat children questioning their gender identity. They concluded there was “wholly inadequate” evidence to support medical intervention, making it impossible to know whether it improves mental or physical health.
The treatment, or pathway, involves giving children puberty blockers, and then cross-sex hormones from the age of 16, and has been adopted globally.
In an opinion piece for the BMJ, Cass said evidence-based medicine was built around three pillars of integrating the best available research with clinical expertise, and patient preferences. She said: “When conducting the review, I found that in gender medicine those pillars are built on shaky foundations.”
The review found that the use of puberty blockers had “spread at pace” around the world, based on a single Dutch study that began in 1998. It said there was no good evidence that puberty blockers helped, and they may damage bone health and height.
The NHS has committed itself to overhauling its gender identity services for children, including banning the use of puberty blockers for under-16s. The youth gender identity clinic run by the Tavistock and Portman NHS Foundation Trust has been closed, with care moved to two new NHS services.
The review also found that debates on trans issues had led to fear among doctors and parents, with some worrying about being accused of transphobia. Since the Gender Identity Development Service opened in 1989, it has seen more than 9,000 young people.
An NHS spokesman said: “NHS England is grateful to Dr Cass for comprehensive work on this important review. The NHS has made significant progress towards establishing a fundamentally different gender service for children and young people.”
A 2019 investigation by The Times first exposed concerns about children being put on experimental treatments at NHS gender clinics.
Helen Joyce, from Sex Matters, a charity that campaigns for clarity on sex in law, said: “Hilary Cass’s report is the nail in the coffin for the so-called ‘gender-affirming’ treatment model. The total lack of evidence base is laid bare for everyone to see.”
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Australia: No transition from gender reality, app boss Sall Grover tells court
The founder of a women's-only social media app says she does not accept that a person who transitions from male to female surgically, socially and legally is a woman, and removed her from the app as she does with “all males”.
The view, held by Giggle for Girls app founder and CEO Sall Grover was described in court on Wednesday by Roxanne Tickle’s legal team as being at the “heart” of the discrimination case.
Ms Tickle, who underwent gender-affirming surgery in 2019 and is now designated as female on her birth certificate, argues she was discriminated against on the grounds of gender identity by Giggle for Girls and Ms Grover when she was denied access to the app. Ms Tickle claims she was initially accepted into the app in February 2021 when she submitted a “selfie” through Giggle’s third-party artificial intelligence tool but was later blocked by Ms Grover.
Barrister Bridie Nolan, for Ms Grover, says the app was designed “for the purpose of achieving equality between men and women in public life by providing an online refuge”, and so does not amount to discrimination as it is a “special measure”.
But Georgina Costello KC, acting for Ms Tickle, said: “The critical issue in this case, your honour, is that the first and second respondents, Ms Grover and the company Giggle for Girls, have persisted in misgendering the applicant for years. That’s the heart of this case – that there’s been a discrimination on the basis of gender in excluding her from the app and persisting in misgendering her subsequently.”
It is the first time a case alleging gender identity discrimination has been heard by the Federal Court following changes to the Sex Discrimination Act in 2013, which made it unlawful to discriminate against a person on the basis of sexual orientation, gender identity or intersex status.
Ms Costello asked Ms Grover in cross-examination whether “even where a person who was assigned male gender at birth has transitioned to being a woman” by having gender-affirming surgery, taking hormones to make them grow breasts, removing their facial hair, wearing female clothing and using female changing rooms, “you don’t accept that that person is a woman, do you?”
“No,” Ms Grover replied.
Ms Costello continued: “I suggest to you that in Australian society, the natural meaning of, the ordinary, contemporary meaning of woman, includes women whose gender is dated to be a woman on their birth certificate, having transitioned from man to woman?”
“I don’t agree,” Ms Grover replied.
Ms Costello also questioned Ms Grover about the alleged hurt caused to Ms Tickle through interviews and tweets referring to her as a man.
The court heard Ms Tickle said in an affidavit Ms Grover’s public statements about the case had been “distressing, demoralising, draining and hurtful” and claimed the “scale of online hate” towards her, as a result, was “enormous”.
Ms Grover agreed she would have done about 20 to 50 interviews about the case, most recently travelling to the UK for press, and that she frequently described Ms Tickle as a man, and as a “man wanting access to female spaces”.
Ms Grover also said she had told interviewers she was “harassed by the applicant” and “afraid of the applicant”.
Ms Costello put to her that it was “not kind” to refer to Ms Tickle as a man. “I don’t think it’s kind to expect a woman to see a man as a woman,” Ms Grover responded.
In her opening address on Tuesday, Ms Nolan argued “sex” is a biological and binary concept, while Ms Tickle’s legal team argued it is partly psychological and social.
On Wednesday afternoon, barrister Zelie Heger, on behalf of the Sex Discrimination Commissioner submitted that “sex” for the purpose of the Sexual Discrimination Act is “changeable” and “non-binary” and as a result not “only” biological.
The Commissioner is assisting the Court by providing submissions about the meaning, scope and validity of relevant provisions of the Sex Discrimination Act 1984 (Cth).
Ms Heger also said a person can be of the “female sex” as per the Act “if they are registered as such” and “had gender affirming surgery”.
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My other blogs. Main ones below:
http://dissectleft.blogspot.com (DISSECTING LEFTISM)
http://edwatch.blogspot.com (EDUCATION WATCH)
http://antigreen.blogspot.com (GREENIE WATCH)
http://australian-politics.blogspot.com (AUSTRALIAN POLITICS)
http://snorphty.blogspot.com/ (TONGUE-TIED)
http://jonjayray.com/blogall.html More blogs
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Kristina Pimenova, once said to be the most beautiful girl in the world. Note blue eyes and blonde hair
Bliss: What every woman wants: to feel safe and secure in the arms of her man. Robert Irwin and Rorie Buckey. See
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