Infidelity is natural for females too
I put up an essay last month under the heading, "We must abandon expectations of sexual fidelity". The point of the article was that instead of condemning a partner for infidelity we should concentrate on handling the matter constructively
Nadia Bokody below also has a way of coping with the instinct to infidelity. She highlights infidelity by agreement.
I did myself do the sort of thing she recommends. I told my partner that what she did when out of my sight was her business. And she did have a number of sexual relationships while we were an item.
The big risk with that, of course is that the partner might find someone else that she likes better. And that did happen. After 14 years my partner met a gem of a man who was miles better for her than I was. So she shacked up with him. All was not lost however as we have continued with the warm relationship between us but with much less time together
About a month ago, I met a woman I matched with on Tinder for drinks at a bar in the city.
A few cocktails down, she leaned across the table and whispered, “So, how shall we do this? Do you want to go back to your place or mine?”
It was the first time I’d had sex with someone who wasn’t my boyfriend, and it represented freedom from everything I grew up believing a relationship should look like.
My boyfriend and I discussed our thoughts on monogamy early on. Perhaps because I write about sex for a job, or maybe because I have a hard time filtering myself, I told him in the second week of dating I wasn’t interested in sleeping with one person for the rest of my life.
It wasn’t until three years into our relationship though, we decided to explore what that might look like.
As someone who’s never been exclusively attracted to men, but only recently come to terms with my bisexuality, we agreed I’d see other women from time to time.
And my boyfriend could do the same, under the proviso the arrangement would be purely sexual.
If this is all sounding familiar, it’s probably because I wrote about my first foray into ethical non-monogamy a few months ago.
Having spoken frankly about my sex life online for the better part of a decade, it didn’t occur to me I was doing anything particularly revolutionary by chronicling the experience.
But the response I received from women within moments of the column going live, was nothing short of jaw-dropping.
I want to go back and reiterate something here: it was women, not men, who wrote to me in overwhelming numbers – and it wasn’t to criticise my non-traditional relationship stance. It was to ask for advice on how to do it themselves.
This didn’t entirely surprise me. Research confirms most of what we’ve been led to believe about female sexuality – namely the idea women want sexual monogamy, while men want sexual variety – is wildly inaccurate. Like, it actually couldn’t be more wrong.
Take, for example, a paper published in peer-reviewed British medical journal BMJ, which found women are more than twice as likely as men to lose interest in sex after cohabiting with their partner for a year or longer.
Or a 2012 study of people in relationships of up to nine years, which determined women’s sexual desire – not men’s – “was significantly and negatively predicted by relationship duration”.
These findings are backed up by a seven-year longitudinal study of over 2100 Finnish women, which found a direct correlation between women’s level of interest in sex, and their relationship status – with those in long-term, live-in relationships reporting the least interest in sex.
Bizarrely, instead of recognising this biological fact, we’ve continued to push the narrative women simply don’t like sex very much.
In reality, women not only like sex, but crave it just as much as – if not more than – men. Studies show we outperform the guys in terms of the amount of porn we watch, are the largest consumers of sex toys, and that men consistently underestimate how much sex we want.
However, Google “low libido in women” and you’re sure to find hundreds of thousands of articles pathologising what is really just a need for greater sexual variety.
If we’re to take the low female libido argument seriously, we’re to assume roughly half the population suffers from a condition responsible for grinding our sex drives to a halt, which mysteriously only takes effect after our boyfriends move in.
Most of my coupled-up female friends are convinced their libidos are broken, when they’re actually sexually bored.
I know this because these same women masturbate, watch porn, and do double-takes at attractive men on the street.
Their sex drives are alive and kicking, they’re just not being stimulated by the monotony of predictable, partnered sex.
Nadia says women don’t lose their libido, they just get bored by predictable sex. Picture: Instagram/@nadiabokody.
Nadia says women don’t lose their libido, they just get bored by predictable sex. Picture: Instagram/@nadiabokody.Source:Instagram
The consequence of failing to recognise what drives female desire has been an epidemic of sex-starved relationships.
Research suggests up to 20 per cent of married couples are currently “sexless” – which means they have had sex less than 10 times in the last year.
This positively miserable scenario, we have determined as a society, is a far greater marker of relationship success than both partners agreeing to bonk someone else every so often.
And yet, despite the taboos still surrounding ethical non-monogamy (that is, dating or having sex with people outside of the relationship with the consent of your partner), thirst for information on it is sky high among women.
Because of its stigma, many of the female readers who wrote to me after I talked about my “monogamish” lifestyle expressed embarrassment around their sexual restlessness.
“What’s wrong with me?”, one woman asked. “I’m so scared to admit this to anyone,” confessed another.
Each message reflected back the shame and misinformation I’d been taught about my own sexuality growing up; mainly that I wasn’t allowed to express it in ways which weren’t performative for a male partner.
Though we regard sexual exclusivity as something women naturally covet, the truth is, monogamy is neither instinctive, nor something we’ve always done.
The institution of marriage didn’t even take off until the advent of agriculture, after farming practices tied humans to land, allowing us to accumulate wealth.
Thus, it was invented as an economic arrangement to ensure the maintenance of family property.
Interestingly, we’ve had a far easier time accepting male promiscuity throughout most of history.
The Old Testament of the Bible contains numerous references to men having more than one wife, and according to 1 Kings 11:3, Solomon had 700 of them (with 300 concubines to boot. Clearly a very busy guy!)
But instead of letting women in on the same sexual freedoms as men, at some point we decided it was a better idea to stop men from having them (which, if the infidelity rate among married men is anything to go by, wasn’t a great move. But more on that in another column).
What we need, is more of a flexible approach to relationships; one that recognises the fact the female libido is far more potent than we’ve been treating it.
Rather than attempting to box it in and risk diluting it, we could benefit from treating women’s sexual desire in much the same way we’ve treated men’s throughout most of history – as something that can’t be quenched by a single person, but via multiple concubines. Or, you know, Tinder matches.
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Denmark will limit the number of 'non-Western' residents in neighbourhoods to 30% to 'reduce the risk of religious and cultural parallel societies'
The Social Democratic government made the announcement on Wednesday, and scrapped the controversial term 'ghetto' in its proposed legislation when referring to the country's 'disadvantaged neighbourhoods'.
In the bill - a review of existing legislation on combating parallel societies - the interior ministry proposed that the share of residents of 'non-Western' origin in each neighbourhood be limited to a maximum of 30 percent within 10 years.
Denmark has for years had one of Europe's most restrictive immigration policies, which Social Democratic Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen has continued since coming to power in June 2019 amid growing opposition from the right.
Denmark has for years had one of Europe's most restrictive immigration policies, which Social Democratic Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen (pictured on March 9) has continued since coming to power in June 2019 +2
Denmark has for years had one of Europe's most restrictive immigration policies, which Social Democratic Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen (pictured on March 9) has continued since coming to power in June 2019
According to Interior Minister Kaare Dybvad Bek, too many non-Western foreigners in one area 'increases the risk of an emergence of religious and cultural parallel societies,' he said in a statement.
He said however that the term 'ghetto', used to designate disadvantaged neighbourhoods, would be removed from the new legislation.
'The term ghetto is misleading... I think it contributes to eclipsing the large amount of work that needs doing in these neighbourhoods,' he said.
Until now, the term was used legally to designate any neighbourhood of more than 1,000 people where more than half were of 'non-Western' origin, and which met at least two of four criteria.
The four criteria are: more than 40 percent of residents are unemployed; more than 60 percent of 39-50 year-olds do not have an upper secondary education; crime rates three times higher than the national average; residents have a gross income 55 percent lower than the regional average.
Fifteen Danish neighbourhoods currently fall into this category, and 25 others are considered 'at risk'. The list is updated each December.
In these neighbourhoods, misdemeanours carry double the legal penalties in place elsewhere, and daycare is mandatory for all children over the age of one or family allowances are withdrawn.
The existing legislation also calls for council homes in these areas to be reduced to 40 percent of available housing by 2030.
The bill will be discussed by Danish political parties and is expected to pass, though no date has been set for the vote.
According to Statistics Denmark, 11 percent of Denmark's 5.8 million inhabitants are of foreign origin, of whom 58 percent are from a country considered 'non-Western'.
Earlier this month, Denmark became the first European nation to tell Syrian migrants they must return to their home country, saying it is now safe for them there.
The Scandinavian nation stripped 94 Syrian refugees of their residency permits after it determined Damascus and the surrounding area as being safe.
Migrants will be sent to deportation camps, but will not be forced to leave. But rights groups say the government is trying to give migrants no other option than to return to Syria on their own accord.
Mattias Tesfaye, Denmark's immigration minister, said last month that the country had been 'open and honest from the start' with refugees coming from Syria.
'We have made it clear to the Syrian refugees that their residence permit is temporary. It can be withdrawn if protection is no longer needed,' he said, according to The Daily Telegraph.
His comments came as Denmark extended the parts on Syria considered safe for people to return, to include the southern Rif Dimashq Governorate.
'We must give people protection for as long as it is needed. But when conditions in the home country improve, a former refugee should return home and re-establish a life there,' he said.
Denmark's ruling centre-Left Social Democratic Party has taken a fierce anti-immigration stance in an effort to fend off challenges from parties on the Right.
Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen has promised to target 'zero' asylum seekers applying for residence in the country.
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Delegitimizing Our Military
Leftists have a long history of exploiting American troops for political gain.
My first trip home from Vietnam was uneventful. My brother and I arrived at LAX Airport late at night. A police officer told us we had just missed the anti-war protesters who greeted and harassed returning servicemen, sometimes throwing pig’s blood on them. If that had happened to us, we would have probably spent some time in jail! But I digress.
My last return home was on a medical evacuation flight. No drama this time. I received wonderful medical care at Great Lakes Naval Hospital. Many months later, after being medically retired, I returned to my hometown of Toledo, Ohio, where there were some folks who clearly harbored anti-war attitudes. There was the elderly lady at church who, as I was hobbling up the steps on my crutches, stopped to tell me I should have died in Vietnam. I skipped church that morning.
Fast forward to Desert Storm, Operation Iraqi Freedom, and Operation Enduring Freedom (Afghanistan). America learned from Vietnam. We would NEVER again send our warriors into harm’s way without our prayers and support.
After 9/11, I found myself traveling across the country sharing my story of God’s mercy in my life in Vietnam. I traveled through Atlanta as well as other flight hubs. There were always men and women in camouflage either going overseas or returning. My friend, Mark Alexander, provided me with hundreds (possibly thousands) of “Shields of Strength” (SOS) dog tags to give to our warriors. I had an opener: “I’m a Vietnam veteran and I am giving you this to remind you that others like me are praying for you until everyone comes home!”
I never had a warrior refuse to accept one. Many would thank me for my service. At times I would choke up when telling them we were proud of them and were praying for them every day! My favorite SOS has Joshua 1:9 on the back: “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
Today, our military is once again being subjected to the whims of elected officials. Political correctness is in vogue once again. Our military has barely recovered from the damage inflicted by the Obama administration. Our new secretary of defense has locked down his entire department to root out racism and white supremacy in the ranks. Who knew?
The National Guard has been activated to fight the “Battle of Capitol Hill.” Nearly three divisions of troops, 26,000-plus, were activated to defend the Capitol and Speaker Nancy Pelosi and others who “nearly died” in the insurrection on January 6. I may have missed something, but the only person killed was a protester shot by a Capitol Police officer. Yes, she shouldn’t have been there, but she was unarmed!
After the inauguration, we’re now down to the troop level of Iraq and Afghanistan combined (5,200 troops). Pelosi is considering “participation ribbons” for our warriors. Using America’s warriors as political props is disgusting! Turning our nation’s capital into a political “Green Zone” is also disgusting!
America’s military’s mission is simple: Keep America safe and win wars. It’s not a petri dish for leftist social experimentation. Our warriors deserve better from our political leaders who, up until January 6, didn’t really value our warriors. What changed?
https://patriotpost.us/articles/78456-delegitimizing-our-military-2021-03-17
*********************************A penalty of being good-looking
The story below is from Kate Jones (above), a former Australian politician. She is one of a number of women I have encountered or read about who say that their good looks are a curse in some ways, evoking inappropriate reactions from some men.
A lot depends on perception, however. What is harassment? I know well a self-confident and attractive lady who tells me that she deliberately wore short skirts while in her teens and early 20s. She enjoyed the whistles and other reactions that it evoked. She regarded them as compliments
Amid all the current furore about sexual harassment of women,the big question is whether the harassment is rare or common. Amid all the propaganda about the matter, it is hard to tell. I am inclined to think that it is common where the woman is good-looking -- which is deplorable but probably unalterable
To say that "education" can alter the way men interact with women is a bit of a laugh. Stalin thought that education could make a new Soviet man. It didn't
It may help to understand the teenage Kate Jones story if you know that she had well-developed breasts from an early age. That was bound to attract frequent male attention, not all of it sophisticated. She hersef diagnosed that problem by having her breasts reduced when she was 20 -- a most regrettable recourse
From when I was 15 years of age, I could not walk out my front door without men calling out at me, ogling me and even following me. It was a daily occurrence.
Just walking down the Queen Street Mall I was approached to work in strip clubs and pornography with promises of big money.
I was still at school.
I was groped by colleagues, taxi drivers, driving instructors, customers and strangers.
Once I had completed school and was a little older it just got worse and more brazen.
Having the operation gave me the opportunity to be seen and heard as a person for the first time. It was truly liberating.
That’s why when I started my first ministerial office job at 21, with my new-found confidence, I was gutted when an older and more senior advisor who worked for another Minister, started sexually harassing me.
I felt betrayed that this was happening even in government. That even in this professional environment which should be the benchmark that I couldn’t count on this behaviour being in my past.
I realised it would instead be very much a part of my future that I would have to continue to cope with like so many other women.
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My other blogs. Main ones below:
http://dissectleft.blogspot.com (DISSECTING LEFTISM)
http://snorphty.blogspot.com TONGUE-TIED)
http://edwatch.blogspot.com (EDUCATION WATCH)
http://antigreen.blogspot.com (GREENIE WATCH)
http://john-ray.blogspot.com (FOOD & HEALTH SKEPTIC)
http://australian-politics.blogspot.com (AUSTRALIAN POLITICS)
https://heofen.blogspot.com/ (MY OTHER BLOGS)
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Kristina Pimenova, once said to be the most beautiful girl in the world. Note blue eyes and blonde hair
Bliss: What every woman wants: to feel safe and secure in the arms of her man. Robert Irwin and Rorie Buckey. See 
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